Before the Last Witness Is Gone: How to Interview Your Aging Relatives

There is a story only one person in the world can tell. It lives in the memory of your grandmother, your great-uncle, your aging neighbor who remembers what the town looked like before the highway came through. And one day, without warning, that story will be gone.

The good news is that recording oral histories has never been more accessible. A smartphone, a quiet afternoon, and a willing relative are all you need to get started. The challenge is that a good interview takes more than a camera and a list of questions you found online.

Here is what every family historian should know before they press record.

Start Before You Start

The most important part of any oral history interview happens before the interview itself.

Spend time with your subject in an unrecorded conversation first. This pre-interview serves several purposes: It builds comfort and trust, helps you understand which topics carry emotional weight, and reveals stories you never would have thought to ask about.

Ask your relative to gather old photos, letters, or mementos to look through together. What they reach for first often tells you more than any question will.

Think in Chapters, Not Questions

One of the most common mistakes family interviewers make is treating the conversation like a survey: question, answer, next question.

Effective oral history works differently. Think of your relative's life as a book, and organize your conversation around chapters: childhood and family of origin, school years, courtship and marriage, career and community, faith and values, lessons learned.

This structure gives the conversation a natural arc and gives your subject room to move through memories in a way that feels like storytelling rather than an interrogation.

Ask Questions That Open Doors

The difference between a forgettable interview and a remarkable one often comes down to a single word: “why.”

Closed questions, such as “Where were you born?” produce facts. Open questions, such as “What do you remember most about growing up in that town?” produce stories.

The best interview questions invite reflection, not just recall. Avoid yes-or-no questions, steer away from anything that could be answered in a single sentence, and always leave room for your subject to surprise you.

If your subject is more reserved than you would like, ask even more specific, open-ended questions. “Of all the stories about your grandmother, which one is your favorite?” not only evokes an interesting response; opening up can change the trajectory of the entire interview.

Before you schedule the interview, share your questions with other family members. They may know which topics are sensitive, which memories are precious, and which questions will unlock an hour of wonderful storytelling.

Share the questions with your subject, too. Nobody knows their stories better than they do, and advance review eliminates surprises that can shut a conversation down before it starts.

Consider Who Should Conduct the Interview

Family members aren't always the best people to conduct an oral history interview. When a grandchild asks a grandmother about her first marriage or her greatest regret, the grandmother may soften the story, protect feelings, or simply change the subject. Or, the interviewee may give a shorthand version because she assumes the story is already well known within the family.

For some families, having someone outside the family conduct the interview can make it easier for the storyteller to speak openly. A third-party interviewer brings neutrality and may be able to follow unexpected threads, handle pauses and silences, and gently redirect the conversation without losing its momentum.

But a third-party interviewer isn't necessary for every family. A patient, curious family member who is willing to listen can create a wonderful oral history. The key is to choose an approach that makes the interviewee feel comfortable enough to tell the stories that matter to them.

Professional oral historians have training in these techniques, including how to structure an interview and follow an unexpected thread without losing the larger story. These skills can be learned, however, and many family historians can develop them through practice.

Find Great Starting Questions

If you are building your own question list, several excellent free resources are available online.

• The UCLA Library Oral History Program offers a family history question guide at oralhistory.library.ucla.edu/pages/family_history.

• American Ancestors, one of the country's leading genealogical societies, offers a practical guide to conducting family history interviews at americanancestors.org/conducting-family-history-interview.

• FamilySearch offers a downloadable PDF of interview questions organized by topic at familysearch.org/wiki/en/img_auth.php/4/4a/Interview_Questions.pdf.

Any of these will give you a strong foundation to build on, and all three are worth bookmarking.